A Dinner with Three People
Josh Miller

If I were able to have dinner with three people, I would be much obliged to have Mr. Karl Marx as a dinner guest, as I could quiz him on his theories and inventions. I would learn the secret origins of scaffolding, and uncover great mysteries regarding the rise/fall of communism. The adoption of communism in Russia has been an area of scholastic interest of mine, and I would relish the opportunity to develop the motive behind the characters in more detail straight from the source.

Once dinner and dancing with Karl Marx was complete, I would then look for a dinner partner who would bring not only a unique blend of spices/sweets and a full bodied roasted coffee (even though I hate coffee), but would also challenge my physical abilities to their fullest. A sports hero might do the trick! No, not Wayne Gretzky, as his desserts leave something to be desired, not to mention the fact that he brings Timmy Hort's coffee. Michael Jordan would be a contender, but his on-again, off-again style of conversation and sport would grow tiresome. No, I would look for one of the world's greatest athletes of all time: Pele. Mr. Edson Arantes Do Nascimento would be the pinnacle of sport to match my skills against...and his selection of Brazilian chocolates and coffees would satisfy the after-dinner cravings. It would be great to delve into the world of one of the most celebrated persons on this planet. To know the highs of triumph and the lows of defeat on such a grand level would be truly eye opening. To be able to see the world through his eyes and understand celebrity at its pinnacle would be a true dream for a mere mortal such as myself.

With sport and dessert settling me into a nice sleep, I would doze lazily on the couch in front of the television until the chiming clock rang twelve. The sudden "Cuckoo!" of my little cuckoo clock would raise me from my light slumber with a hunger for the most forbidden of snacks: the midnight snack. Who better to share this undeniable urge with than someone whose insight on the world would prove more valuable than a dinner with all of the most successful business people in the world? That person would be the most average person in the world. No, I am not talking about Carson Daly, but just any person of average height, average build, average intelligence, average everything. The insight on the world that could be gleaned from someone who epitomizes the mean would be unfathomable. By knowing the viewpoint of someone who would represent the middle ground for almost everything, you would be able to draw a more detailed picture of the world in general. Maybe I am this person, maybe it's you... but by knowing the midpoint, you would be able to triangulate the preferences of the population more effectively. Okay, I guess that's kind of a cop out. I apologize for the calculating businessman manifesting himself in a place where he is not wanted.

In that case, the person I would have my midnight snack with would be Lindsay Lohan because she's HOOTT!! Oh, wait... I don't think I'm legally allowed to say that. Ouch for me.